The Confidence of a Black Woman is not to be confused with arrogance. We’ve always had to be our own cheerleaders so it’s only right that we give ourselves the best praises continually. Honestly, it feels incredible to look at mainstream media seeing women who look like me winning, living in luxury and being unapologetic for loving every ounce of melanin in our skin.
But my confidence as a Black woman didn’t come easy. Realistically, before the age of 21 my confidence was so low I never saw myself as good enough. Comparison is really the thief of joy. I would look at other women and always want to change something about myself. My teeth. My small body type. My hairy arms. My kinky hair. My stretch marks. The list goes on. All of these things I was once teased about as a kid that lingered into adulthood.
Even after I fixed my teeth, gained weight and started finding my personal style, it didn’t feel like I was good enough. Nitpicking every little thing. I’ve had to teach myself how to love who I am over the years. Literally saying to myself “You are beautiful” until I believed it. Eventually I realized this is who I am. And no matter how many things I do to change my appearance, it doesn’t change who I am. So why not love the skin I’m in? Why let other people and the media tell me what I should look like?
At 27, I feel more confident than I would have ever imagined. I want to give my 17-year-old self a hug and let her know you are more than enough. Before the glow up. Period. She never needed the validation of men or the media to feel beautiful.
Aside from affirmations and self reflecting, one way I’ve found my confidence as a Black woman is through music. Rihanna, Beyoncé, City Girls, Ari Lennox, Cardi B, H.E.R, Lizzo — to name a few, are women whose music is always an instant confidence booster. There’s seldom a time when I hear: “Real ass bitch, give a fuck ’bout a nigga. Big Birkin bag, hold five, six figures. Stripes on my ass so he call this pussy Tigger” that I can’t feel like that bih. Black woman have a way of making music for us. (Yes, I know who wrote the song.) Even if I’ll never own a Birkin bag, the energy is contagious. And I love it.
We have so many layers as Black women. We are strong but delicate and our confidence is really taking over the world. I’m so grateful to be alive during a time where I have so many positive role models in our Black community who are celebrated. If my confidence ever comes off as arrogance, please know I never think I am better than the next woman. I simply love celebrating who I am. It took a long time to get here and I’ll never apologize for loving Simone.
